I can be counted on to make things more difficult than they should be. The dichotomy of this personality flaw is that I am also a fan of efficiency, most especially in my professional life. There is a calm that comes with processes humming along as quickly and correctly as possible.
So why the disconnect? Why this bumping around like a pinball? This is most prevalent in my spiritual walk. I bounce from verses, prophets and testimonies. I will read amazing testimonies like a code breaker. I read between the lines finding the words that worked or the “thing” that made the miracle happen. I want the secret.
Like me, there are probably miracles or dreams that you are praying over and (im)patiently waiting to see come to pass. A hope that you have whispered in God’s ear because the audacity of what you are saying seems so outlandish that it’s almost embarrassing. The problem is, many times, I want to know the next thing I need to do to make it happen. Here is where the efficiency-lover in me takes over. “Okay, I know what I am praying for, let’s get this taken care of!” This automatically pushes my prayers and thought life into pinball mode. I imagine it is at that point where God just lays his forehead in his hands while watching me. He’s got to be so frustrated!
I believe this mythology started a long time ago for me. There were things that I prayed for as a girl that never seemed to come to pass. What I didn’t understand is that while I prayed one way, human nature would move differently. I prayed for small things and big things that were largely based on other people’s behavior. Yet, children’s minds are not built to factor in how adults behave, so I believed God just didn’t answer my prayer. That was the simple answer rather than acknowledging that He was not the reason for my disappointments.
Then in church, you are told that God always has a good reason to do or NOT do things for us. This seeped into my spirit as a realization of the failure in how I had prayed. From a young age I figured that prayer was not something that worked for me and that if I got it “right” I would get better results.
I would watch what I said. Never wanting to utter the words or phrases that would negate my prayers. Word of faith did not allow for “I am catching a cold.”, you COULD say “I am catching a healing!” Or, “How are you feeling today?” “Blessed!” This was the way you talked because saying the wrong thing would affirm the wrong result in your life, finances, family, etc. There was a constant terror that I might slip up and say something that would make my prayers fall apart. As if God is waiting to pull the rug out from under me just so he doesn’t have to answer a prayer. This formula can be so hard to follow. It keeps a person hypervigilant and ungracious to themselves and others.
Another formula I remember is that of giving and receiving. Now, I am not talking about the biblical principle of sowing and reaping (2 Corinthians 9:6). I believe when we give, The Father’s hands can be and ARE open to us. It works for Christians and non-Christians. Big givers tend to receive BIG. What I am referring to here are the people who give a prescribed amount of the “gift” and an anecdotal outcome. For example, I remember one “pastor” that came to my church. When it came time for the tithing portion of his sermon, he asked for the VERY specific amount of $54 from the congregation. This was followed up with stories of people who gave this amount and had debts cancelled or an amazing windfall come their way. One story was that of his parents giving him this amount for his ministry and then a heavy medical debt was canceled for them. Now, this guy had just talked earlier about a new fancy, FANCY car that he owned. I thought to myself “this guy didn’t help his parents? They had to give money to HIS ministry and GOD had to help them!” Credibility lost in my eyes. But I digress…
The promises of riches by following a formula led to quite a bit of fleecing of the members of the congregation. Rather than understanding wealth, finances and investing wisely while ALSO engaging in a generous frame of giving, there was an expectation of quick riches and easy payoffs. When you are told and believe myths, you don’t investigate. It is as it has been shared with you.
I could go on and on and maybe at some point I will. But I think you get the point. The ways we get taught about prayer, patience and answers can be damaging or if done properly, life giving.
I was never really taught the concept of God who works in a timeline or who cannot bend the will of the people around me. Thus, I had an expectation of silence and unanswered prayer when I went before The Lord. The pain of this is still fresh and raw. Even now I cry.
The blame should be shared by me. I never investigated for myself the nature and heart of God. I trusted the formulas. EVEN when they didn’t work! I picked out the verses that shored up what had been told to me. Never read the full chapter. Never looked for context. This is why we as Christians MUST go back through our bibles after sermons. Read the before and after of the quoted verse. Ask questions of the minister. Ask God!
When we approach our spiritual walk like a formula, we become entrenched in the idea that our works elicit the desired response from God. This is not how it works. Our relationship with Him is not transactional or, worse yet, manipulative. It is a give and take that requires our deep understanding of His nature and His grace and goodness. It is only through the love and understanding of The Lord do we find where His heart is for us. Until then, we empty out our energy trying to move the Almighty in a direction He is not meant to go.
In The Bible we are invited to a relationship with God. Jesus died so we could have that privilege (2 Corinthians 6:21). We become alive in our relationship with Him (Romans 6:11). The Lord is wooing us to love him and not give him our formulas or rituals (Hosea 6:6).
It is the conversational and loving relationship with God that helps us understand His will and His responses to our prayers. It is not our formulas that He wants, it is our love.
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