I was talking to my sister the other day on the phone, and she was reflecting on a conversation she had with someone earlier that day about contentment. The woman she had talked to was a farming wife and my sister and I marveled over the fact that we had talked about that very topic so often. Especially given my more recent introduction to farm life almost 7 years ago. As we chatted during our respective drives home, I told her that contentment is a journey.
I have been thinking about that ever since. The journey of contentment. The walk. The run. Sometimes crawling, not on hands and knees. No, not that easy. The crawling where you are pulling your entire body along, the dead weight of your flesh, by your fingertips. Scratching for progress. Anything.
Being content is one of the hardest battles that I fight daily. Sometimes hourly. Days where it feels non-stop. Reminding myself that I have what I need. And I really do. It is not a lie I tell myself to pretend things are ok. I have a house that is solid. A husband who is so loving, kind, and he loves God more than he loves me. I even have a back porch filled with the sweetest and cuddliest cats I could ask for. My life is good. Like, really good.
But….
“Man, it sure would be nice to be able to…”
“It doesn’t seem fair that she gets to….”
It’s those thoughts that erode my progress. The undermining that happens during the most difficult days. When I have unmet aspirations and desires, how can I be ok? It is hard to find the good when things are not good.
I remember asking a friend of mine who is a farming wife as well, how she got through hard times. She told me she remembers Habakkuk 3:17-19. In that passage Habakkuk is praying and in these verses he says:
17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and no fruit is on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though the sheep are cut off from the fold
and no cattle are in the stalls,
18 yet I will exult in the LORD;
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation!
19 GOD the Lord is my strength;
He makes my feet like those of a deer;
He makes me walk upon the heights!
I held my cup of coffee nodding, “hmmm yes, that’s good”. Thinking that was the key for me. It’s so good, right? Looking squarely at the worst-case scenario as farmers and saying, “God is still good!” Not just that, but that my strength comes from him! He is my salvation while I look out upon utter devastation. I can be content knowing that over this rocky, scary, craggy, and treacherous passage in my life (the high places) he will make me surefooted. I won’t fall and I won’t be destroyed.
But let me tell you something. Thinking about being content as an abstract concept and ACTUALLY being content are two different things. It is work. Hard work.
Looking at the worst and praising God throughout for His goodness is hard work. And part of being surefooted on the treacherous slopes of our thinking is trying to not fall into the crag of “if I pretend to be content, God will give me what I really want!” The Gorge of Manipulation. I cannot let my unanswered prayers cause me to lose my footing near The Caves of Disappointment. True contentedness and looking to the Lord for salvation will guarantee our sure footing over the trickier spots on our journeys. But we must be the ones seeing Him as our salvation and strength. Then he MAKES our journey easier. Not by removing the high, dangerous places, but by guiding our steps.
So, what I have done is I have committed my desires to God. Sometimes I name them one by one as I think of them. “Lord, I commit my desire to travel to you.” “Lord, I commit my desire to be rich and famous to you.” Kidding….kinda.
When I commit my desires to Him, I can be assured that the outcome is what He wants for me. It makes the contentment journey just THAT much easier. It sures up my footing over the tough parts.
“Mannnnn, it sure would be nice to get a new car!”
“Lord, I commit my desire for a new vehicle to you.”
Does it take away the desire? No. But it kind of helps me put it under the microscope. Then, it takes the hustle of me making it happen out of the equation.
I literally do this every day in different areas and with different desires. The big ones and the little ones. Because I trust in His goodness. Not to answer those wishes, but that He can be trusted with them and that He can fulfill them any way He wants. Perhaps by showing me what I am really looking for in those jabs of jealousy when I see what someone else has. What am I not getting from Him? What am I missing that I think will be filled with something shiny and new?
When our longings are not for Him and what He has, how can we let God make our feet sure over those spots marked by loose stones and falling rocks? What desires do we commit to the God of our salvation and strength?
I think this practice is a good introspective exercise. What desires lie outside of God. And please know, wanting things is not inherently bad. Just to the perspective you give them. “I would be happier if I had…” If your contentedness is attached to things, places, or people outside of God. That deserves a closer look and perhaps a larger conversation with Him. We can magnify His salvation and His strength by how we approach what we long for. He will MAKE your footing sure while traversing the tricky parts.
Let us have God entrusted with our desires and we can bask in His goodness.