One of the things I love about Kansas is that we can see storms that are building up far away from our little house. It’s fascinating. My husband and I will watch the clouds gather while we are sitting on our front porch. I’ll ask him how far away it is, and he’ll say “oh, that’s probably about 50 miles north of us.” They always seem much nearer than they are.
This was the case the other night as we began to see lightning flashing in one of the cloud formations. We were instantly excited. Storm means rain. Rain we need. Rain we have needed for months. The clouds piled higher and higher and then began to spread out. It was promising. We finally went to bed and woke up to a bone-dry field. We were juuuust on the edge. Almost there. It was heartbreaking and disappointing.
For me, this season has been a season of brushing my fingertips on things I am praying for. Big things and little. My arms extended, feeling what I am trying to grab, and just falling short. If I am being honest, in these times God also feels beyond my grasp. Distant. Dodging my searching hand. Alllllmost there…
I think that we get taught that God is the ultimate game player. He keeps dodging so we will keep reaching. That He plays hard to get to make Himself more desirable to us. I don’t think it occurs to me that God is consistently reaching for us.
The Bible tells us many times that God is close to us. He is close when we are brokenhearted and disappointed (Psalms 34:18). He is near when we seek and reach for him (Acts 17:27). Then in James 4:8 we are told that if we draw near to Him, He draws near to us.
So… what is going on.
I prayed about it for a while. Probably the more accurate description is that I complained to God about how I am doing ALL OF THIS WORK to be close to Him and reaching for Him and I seem still so far away.
Then, He gave me a picture.
Have you ever gone to the store thinking you are going to pick up a few things and be done. You skip the carts and the basket and start carrying your items in your arms.
“Ok, just this and this.”
“Well, I should just grab this too.”
“Oh yeah, I need a can of that!”
Finally, our arms are full and we are fumbling for the final item. But we can’t reach for it because we are hanging on to all these other things.
My reach is shortened because of what I will not let go. God is not far, my arms are too full!
It was a lightning bolt for me. I started to think about the things I hold on to. Unforgiveness, bitterness, worry, anxiety, hurt, the way I think things should be, what I think God should be doing for me. The list is so big. My arms so full.
My challenge in this season is letting go of the things shortening my reach. Things putting distance between myself and God. I’m leaving them on the grocery store floor.
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