I have been writing and reflecting on my journey with/to God and the times where I have struggled on that path. I’ve wandered, strayed, and ignored the path altogether. Typically, those seasons have been initiated by some disappointment or pain, as I suspect it is with most Believers.
The times I wrestle with or contend with God. It’s a battle between Him and me and my attempt to hold Him responsible for what is going on. I don’t want to discuss my choices or actions. I don’t want the ownership of the pain I am in. This is the wrestling match. Me attempting to pin God’s shoulders to the mat and Him always popping out of my grip. Reminding me of my part in my present misery.
Now, this is not to say that all of the bad things that happen to me are a result of me or something I did. That is not always the case. But it seems the times that I KNOW my part in my pain is when I want a match with God.
I think about the wrestling match that Jacob has with God in Genesis 32:24-32. He wrestles with God overnight. The story is told very insignificantly. A few verses and it is done. It doesn’t even have an epic finishing move by God. Granted, Jacob’s hip is dislocated and he walks with a limp.
The biggest takeaway from this encounter is Jacob’s name is changed to Israel. This name means to fight with God, to wrestle with God.
Throughout the rest of the Bible God is referred to in many places as The God of Israel. That meant He is the Lord of the Israelites. The nation.
But I thought to myself, what if this can also mean that He is Lord over our fights with Him? He is over our wrestling matches with Him. What if this signifies the invitation to wrestle with Him if we need to?
There were times when I would feel bad about my matches with God. Worrying that He was disappointed with my questioning and anger with Him. I thought He just wanted me to do what I was told and not worry about it. But hearing Him called the God of Israel told ME that he was still God when I struggled with Him. He was still God when I fought Him. My fight didn’t make Him any less. He was still there. Over my fight and in it with me. He is
not shying away from it.
That comforts me. I think part of our relationship with Him is going to have some wrestling matches. He ultimately wins, but He is with us in the fight.